A friend told me that my tweets are a bit puerile but I can assure you they will not sanitize…

I don't know how to break the news to my best friend that he's imaginary. # I think the word…

Are you suspicious because you've never seen Dog the Bounty Hunter and me in the same room at the same…

Roasting of turkey going great until Gilbert Gottfried joked the carrots looked like tiny Oompa Loompas. Wonder if he'll be…

Make love, not war, unless you're planning on naming your first child "War," in which case you may do both…

My doctor says I need to drink green tea, but I prefer tea with at least a year under it's…

You know it's time to do the dishes when you're straining pasta in your tennis cap. # Powered by Twitter…

White Elephant sales: animal cruelty or outright racism? # Powered by Twitter Tools

Hey Subaru Forrester driver, you cannot bring about whirled peas through naive visualization exercises. # @bellanovela That makes the Rocket…

IKEA opened a new store in Denver this week. It came unassembled in 6e+27 pieces and in two weeks the…